I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
