You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
