I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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