in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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