no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He? As in you personified your dick?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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