ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
