anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm passing your future prison.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
