Please, let me fuck your mom
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
