At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
