So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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