I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
