I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
