you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
