I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
