My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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