i already hear my dad disowning me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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