So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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