How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize