Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
