I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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