My friends, they love my intelligence
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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