Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
