The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
