how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
