Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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