If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
