If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
