do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
