I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
