At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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