Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
