please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
