I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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