im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My pussy is not your playground.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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