My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
dude. I can hear the air.
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