My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sorry about my life...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
