She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
