I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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