I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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