I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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