thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
