had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize