what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
