First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
