we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
