You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
