I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Randomize
