dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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