i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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