Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
