so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize