I wish my penis had an off switch
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
