I was born with a shot glass in my hand
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
