made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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