Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
