his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize