dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
