Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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