And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
