he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's blow job season.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Randomize
