My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
and she was petting her beer can
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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