omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
