I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
