oh god the rape fog is back!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
