some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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