Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
