She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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