420 ftw
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
