So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
