Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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