This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
