I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Redeem this text for a blowjob
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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