i think i have herpe
just one?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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