Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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