every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
