theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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