handjob tips. give me some.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
