I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
