I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
