I feel like abortions should bother me more
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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