Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
