I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
