you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
sex in a hospital.. check
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
