Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
