I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
