Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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