So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
