I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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