One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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