ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
