Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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