I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
