So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
