Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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