3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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