i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
